at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
