Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
