is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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