woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
did you just send me my own nude
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
