yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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