If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
