I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
