I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just found puke in my bra..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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