Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
