Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
