is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
