they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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