How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Randomize
