guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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