and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
