we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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