I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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