This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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