I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
