My pussy is not your playground.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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