I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She announced her abortion via fbk
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
