I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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