For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
