I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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