I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
