He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.