just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
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tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup