He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
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When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.