i just had sex bonerless
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
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and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
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Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls