If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?