Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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