she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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