I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
