Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
