wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
