so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
