That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
