I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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