yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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