I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
