Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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