I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
