my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
