Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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