I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
