Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
