I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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