No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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