so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
