i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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