Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
