he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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