I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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