Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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