My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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