Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
