Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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