We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
