Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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