Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
