3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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