Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
