I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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