I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
