Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
