I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i need some magic done to my vagina
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
