bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
