Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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