ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
