just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
