dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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