I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
