he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
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Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The dick lei will go down in squad history
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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