ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
