just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
