even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
