So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
