Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize