eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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