Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
