I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
