I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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