I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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