Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
